Tears

It has been a while since I have posted! I have good intentions and take pictures for the blog and think of what I could write but I never take the time to sit down and actually put any of that effort into writing! Sorry!

We are getting more and more settled and for me that means time to think. I remember around this time last China trip was really hard for me and it is again. Even in saying goodbye, I push the tears and sadness aside, I swallow it down because it is easier for me to hide behind toughness and independence than deal with my emotions. There is the excitement of what is to come and what God is going to do and that is still there, but now I am beginning to deal with the emotions of what comes with living in a different country. I miss people so much. I miss normalcy of life. I miss knowing the language and being able to do and say things by myself. I miss solitude and the beauty of God's creation undisturbed (not that I have ever seen that, but I miss being able to look out and see only trees and grass for miles and not building after building). So in a nutshell I am sad, lonely, and frustrated. :) Hows that for honesty?

I have begun the journey of learning Chinese. I know that it is going to be a long journey but am trying to remember the encouragement of a friend that every word that I learn is a step forward, it is more than what I knew before. I am so thankful for this perspective but admit that it is still very frustrating that I am not able to talk with people! Yesterday, our helper didn't move the book basket away from the bathtub when she was cleaning the bathtub-- each book is now spread all over my bedroom floor-- each page separated to try to salvage them from being ruined by the water. It would be so easy to ask, next time you clean the bathroom, can you move books out of the way of running water? And yesterday I asked our wonderful neighbor how we go about changing the light bulbs of the house (there are unique IKEA lights in every room and seriously I don't know how to get the old light bulb out without breaking the whole light and breaking my neck in the process because of the high ceilings), she responded that you just call the maintenance guy and have him come over to do that. That sounds easy to do, right? Well my vocabulary of good morning, afternoon, evening, thank you, your welcome, I'm sorry, and that's okay just doesn't get the message across! She is so gracious and honestly will be the one to call when I remind her that I can't but I am tired of having to rely on people to do just the simplest things. I feel so helpless.

I am learning that it is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to be weak--actually best to be weak. 2 Cor 12:10 I just need to keep turning to Jesus to be my strength, to fill me for what I need in that moment. I am clinging to the above verse and Phil 4:13.

On a lighter note, I love our helper. It is such a blessing to have her help with the house. I am able to devote all of me to our school time instead of having my to do list always in the back of my mind. And when the school day is done, the house is clean! She is such a sweet girl and goes out of her way to be helpful. She enjoys the kids and they all like her. Funny story--I have already mentioned that my vocabulary is very small so mostly what I say to our helper is (shi shi) which means thank you. I say it all day long actually--I am so thankful for each thing that she does. Rachel loves to play ayi (pronounced I E) So she grabs a diaper wipe and goes around the house wiping down walls etc smiling, nodding her head saying shi shi, shi shi. And Sammy thinks that her name is shi shi so he follows her around the house, saying shi shi, candy? hoping that she will give him a piece of candy--which I haven't figured out why he associates her with candy, but it is really cute.

I was going to load some pictures but just noticed that Ryan took the camera memory card to work so that will have to be a different day. I hope that it is not weeks from now! Thanks for checking in on us!